This topic may be triggering for some people. While I will not be sharing any graphic details, this blog post discusses depression. I would also like to remind you that this is a personal blog and I am not a doctor or licensed therapist. Please reach out to people you trust and resources in your area for assistance. (Of course, I'm happy to lend an ear.) If you require immediate help, here are some important numbers and resources: U.S. Suicide Prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255, UK: 08457909090, Other countries (click). Now, let's talk about depression. Depression is a word that has been thrown around in various scenarios whether high-stakes or in casual conversation. While it's never something to be taken lightly, there are definitely varying degrees at which a person with depression may operate.
Someone may look outside on a gloomy day and say that it's "depressing" to them or that it makes them feel depressed. While they may not be clinically depressed, the word is being used to express a kind of melancholy state. I've definitely thrown this around on a casual day. Almost every spring without fail, I end up having to go through a little personal battle with depression. Some years, I'm in the worst place and other years I'm fine and functional. Usually, if I have something to do that requires me to be there (where if I'm not there I'll let people down), I do much better than if I don't have anything at all. This spring semester, I had nothing extra keeping me busy, as I have in the past couple of years (doing theatre, of course). Sure, there's been class and work, but after 6pm most days, I'd be completely done with my day and cooped up indoors until the next day around 8:45a. That's almost 15 hours inside! After spring break, things began slipping away. Just to be clear: I have never been suicidal. My depression takes other forms. For example: being tired no matter how much sleep I get, not wanting to go out, skipping class, not going to the gym, not being social, eating a little worse than usual, and completely disregarding things that I love (check out that big gap of time between this blog post and the last one). It always takes a while for me to notice I'm slipping into these habits and to see the red flags, but sometimes that's just how it is. Depression is not always sitting in a dark room and crying (however, having one of these moments is what made me admit I had been having a month-long episode). It can be missing out, being cooped up, wishing for a period of time to end, getting irritable, feeling jealous, or feeling hopeless. While I will never ever use being depressed as an excuse to not be present or to not do something I don't want to do, it disrupts my regular habits and personality to a point where I can't operate as I normally would. Instead of going to all my classes I'll miss one or two that week. Instead of eating clean, I'll have "just one" bag of cheese-its. Instead of being happy for other people's accomplishments, I'll get jealous and angry. These are all habits and reactions that are very far from my normal ones. Those with depression can have varying levels, from your high-stakes suicidal person, to the person that may have an hour when they drop in energy. Sometimes it's really clear, sometimes it's not as clear, but regardless of the level, it's always important to have support from people you trust, whether that's a professional, a family member, colleague, or a friend.
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