Happy 2019, everyone! Now that the holidays have come and gone, I'm excited to get back to a *fairly* regular writing schedule. This was my last winter break as a college student--and maybe as a student, period. While the holidays look pretty similar from year to year, I went to visit my fiancé's family for the New Year. I love going to new places, but the lack of familiarity always causes my anxiety to kick in. No matter how happy, excited, calm, and collected I think I am, being in an unfamiliar setting always causes problems for me. Best-case scenario, my heart rate goes up a little and I get a little clammy. Worst-case scenario, I'm vomiting uncontrollably and can't keep any food or water in my system. Nothing solves it except for time, some Pepto-Bismol, sleep, and staying away from heat.
Of course, because uncontrollable conditions don't care if you're at a nice dinner after getting engaged, New Year's Eve went from super-happy-joyful-tears to embarrassed-nauseous-running-home within an hour. We sat down for a 4-course meal, and I felt incredibly nauseous as I took a bite of my appetizer. I couldn't look at the food or eat it, and we still had the main course and dessert to wait for. It was embarrassing, but the people at the restaurant were so kind. They packed up the rest of the food that was on the way, and gave me some tonic water and bitters to ease the nausea. I can't tell you how bad I felt about it all. I thanked the staff at the restaurant, and apologized profusely to my fiancé while we waited for our food and on the walk back to our hotel in the snow. His patience and compassion continues to amaze me. He let the manager of the restaurant know that I wasn't feeling well, asked what I needed, was out in the cold with me, and ran a bath as soon as we got back. If you have a partner that has some sort of condition they can't control, this is the best thing that you can do for them. Ask what they need, be patient, and remind them that it isn't anything they need to apologize for. We're already frustrated and embarrassed, it's so helpful to have love being thrown our way rather than additional anger. Although the lack of familiarity with a place makes my body freak out, traveling and going somewhere new is my personal kind of soul food. Getting to be in the snow for most of the week, seeing the Milky Way and thousands of stars, meeting most of my future extended family, getting engaged, carrying an icicle, and crunching my way along a sidewalk were experiences I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on. If I decided to not go anywhere out of fear of getting sick, I would miss out on so much. There's a big move coming up next with the end of college and the beginning of a new school-free adventure. At the moment, it looks like Chicago is in the cards, but I truly don't know where I'm going to end up next. What I do know is that the move and transition is going to take a toll on me, but I'm so excited to move that not being able to eat lunch for a couple of days is a small price to pay for a new adventure. I've now been in the same city for four years, and I'm itching for a change. Having a new apartment, meeting new people, and finally having a space to live in that we can call ours is going to fit the bill. Sometimes, having an uncontrollable condition is a setback and can be difficult to deal with. However, it lets you appreciate the good days a lot more, and shows you the character of the people around you. While I can't avoid being sick sometimes, I won't let this stop me from having new experiences. I hope you can approach every day with gratitude and a thirst for adventure. Don't ever let anything or anyone keep you from feeding your soul and being in the pursuit of more.
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AuthorElena B. Archives
June 2020
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